Starting Nursery: A Calm First Week

Starting nursery is a big change in a small child’s world.

For some children, the new room, new faces and new routines are exciting from the beginning. Others need more time to watch, understand and build trust before they feel completely at home.

Both are normal.

A successful first week is not one in which a child never cries. It is one in which they begin to learn something much more important: this is a safe place, the adults here will look after me, and my family always comes back.

At Dickory Docks, we believe settling in should be a gradual process rather than a test a child has to pass.

Start before the first day

Children find transitions easier when some parts of the new experience already feel familiar.

Before nursery begins, talk positively and simply about what is going to happen:

For younger children, photographs, names and repeated routines can be more meaningful than lengthy explanations.

It can also help to:

• start practising the morning routine a few days beforehand;
• let your child choose the bag, comforter or familiar object they will take;
• talk about nursery without repeatedly asking whether they are worried;
• use the names of nursery practitioners where possible; and
• keep sleep and mealtimes reasonably predictable before the transition.

The aim is familiarity, not rehearsal.

Settling-in visits matter

A settling-in session gives your child an opportunity to explore nursery before it becomes part of their normal day.

At Dickory Docks, settling-in visits are normally arranged before a child’s agreed start date. They also give parents and practitioners an opportunity to exchange the small details that make a surprisingly big difference.

Tell us how your child likes to be comforted. Tell us the name they use for their favourite toy, what makes them laugh, how you know when they are tired and whether there is a song that usually calms them.

For babies and very young children particularly, continuity between home and nursery can help a new environment begin to feel safe.

Keep the goodbye simple

It is tempting to make a nursery goodbye longer when a child becomes upset. Usually, a calm and predictable goodbye is easier to understand.

Try not to disappear without saying goodbye. It may avoid tears in that moment, but it can make it harder for a child to understand when a parent might leave.

Equally, returning repeatedly after saying goodbye can make the separation more confusing. Warm, loving and confident is the balance to aim for.

What if my child cries?

Crying at separation does not mean that nursery is going badly. A child can be upset that a parent is leaving and still go on to have a happy day.

Young children do not yet experience time and separation in the way adults do. Their protest is often simply their way of saying, “I want you to stay.” Nursery practitioners understand this.

What matters is what happens next: whether your child accepts comfort, gradually becomes interested in an activity, develops a relationship with familiar adults and begins to understand the pattern of the day.

If we have concerns about how your child is settling, we will talk to you.

Let comfort objects do their job

A favourite teddy, comforter or dummy can provide a bridge between home and nursery. There is no prize for giving these things up during an already significant transition.

As children become more secure, they often begin to put their comfort object down naturally while they play, returning to it when they need reassurance.

Security usually comes before independence.

Expect nursery tiredness

Even children who have thoroughly enjoyed nursery can be unusually tired afterwards.

A nursery day contains a great deal to process: people, conversation, movement, sharing, listening, eating, playing and learning.

You may notice that your child wants more cuddles, is quieter than usual or has bigger emotions at home during the first few weeks. A relatively quiet evening, familiar food and an early bedtime can help.

Avoid turning nursery into a performance

Questions such as “Were you good?”, “Did you cry?” or “Did you make lots of friends?” can unintentionally make nursery sound like something a child is being judged on.

Try open, gentle observations instead:

• “I wonder what you played with today.”
• “I saw some paint in your room this morning.”
• “Your teacher said you enjoyed being outside.”

And sometimes, particularly after a long day, a child may not want to talk about nursery at all. That is fine too.

Every child settles differently

One child may run through the door on day one and become upset a week later. Another may need a parent’s reassurance initially and then settle very quickly.

There is no correct timetable. Development in the early years is not linear, and transitions are no different.

The important signs are that your child is gradually developing trust, forming relationships, exploring the environment and beginning to feel that nursery belongs to them too.

Starting at Dickory Docks

Dickory Docks cares for children from babies through to pre-school age, so we understand how different the transition can look at each stage.

Before your child starts, we arrange settling-in opportunities and gather information about their routines, preferences and individual needs.

Once nursery begins, communication between home and nursery remains important. You know your child best, and the more we understand about their world, the better we can support them.